A Tale of Clams, Marshmallows and Balls
by WaiiKitsune
Summary: Once upon a time, Prince Xanxus was saved by Bodyguard Gamma and they lived happily ever after. CRACK fic. 57X (Gamma x Xanxus) One-shot.


**Title: **A Tale of Clams, Marshmallows and Balls

**Summary: **Once upon a time, Prince Xanxus was saved by Bodyguard Gamma and they lived happily ever after.

**Disclaimer: **Katekyo Hitman Reborn! belongs to Akira Amano

**Pairing: **57X (Gamma x Xanxus)

**Warning: **Crack, OoC-ness. Also, title makes no sense whatsoever.

* * *

**A Tale of Clams, Marshmallows and Balls**

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a place known as the Land of Clams. The Land of Clams was governed by the Royal Family Vongola and ruled over by its Tenth King, Sawada Tsunayoshi, who was the only one among all the candidates who was directly descended from the First King, Giotto di Vongola, and therefore won the kingship by 'Blood'.

Now, King Tsunayoshi did not have any siblings, but had four other cousins, who were also the other candidates for kingship. His first three cousins had unfortunately and mysteriously died in a series on unfortunate events and shall not be mourned here.

The tale we are about to 'experience' (for a lack of better word) is the tale of King Tsunayoshi's final cousin, Prince Xanxus.

The tale of Prince Xanxus being kidnapped by the evil Prince of an adjoining land, Prince Rasiel, and how he was saved by a bodyguard named Gamma.

And how they lived happily ever after, of course~

* * *

"The Princess has been kidnapped!" King Tsunayoshi gasped out.

"_P-Prince_, Tenth."

King Tsunayoshi ignored that and gasped out again, "My dear cousin, Princess Xanxus has been kidnapped!" Tsunayoshi collapsed into his throne, crestfallen. To think that his cousin had been kidnapped under his wing, King Tsunayoshi was torn between utter fury at his royal guards as well as the kidnappers, and worry at the kidnapped Prince…ss. "Gamma!"

"Yes, sire?" Gamma replied.

The blond man was, in fact, the bodyguard of Princess Yuni, daughter of Queen Aria of the Land of Black Lily and the head of the Royal Family Giglio Nero. Gamma was here in the Land of Clams to deliver the kidnapping note that was mistakenly sent to the Royal Family Giglio Nero. He had been lead to the throne room where the King Tsunayoshi was having a meeting with his seven highest subordinates known as the 'Guardians', along with his Advisor, Reborn.

"I hereby assign you the honorable and highly dangerous task of retrieving my dearest cousin, Princess Xanxus, from the evil clutches of Prince Rasiel of the Land of Marshmallows!" King Tsunayoshi declared. "Do you accept, Gamma?"

"I hum―"

"_**HOLD IT!**_"

The doors to the throne room slammed open with vigor as a man stepped in. "_Vooooiiiiiiiiii_! Why are you giving that man the task?! The Prince's body is guarded by me!" The man shouted.

The other occupants of the throne room were wincing at loudness of the man's voice but King Tsunayoshi was unfazed. "Squalo." The brunet greeted calmly. "Certainly, you are my cousin's bodyguard but the very fact that he was kidnapped means that you're inept at your job, does it not?"

"Ooh, burn~" Someone in the room whispered.

Squalo's face darkened in what-was-likely-to-be embarrassment. "I… It's still my job to get the st― _prince _back!"

"The King has assigned me that task, you failure of a bodyguard! To not be able to protect your master, how shameful!" Gamma snapped.

"Apply cold water to that burn." Another whisper.

"This is coming from the bodyguard who's away from his Princess!" Squalo retalitated.

"The burned fights back." A giggle.

"Enough!" Tsunayoshi snarled, and silence fell in the throne room. Amber orbs glanced at the two bodyguards who, surprisingly, were still glaring at each other. With a sigh, Tsunayoshi turned to his Advisor and Guardians.

It was, as he expected, his sharp Advisor (and tutor) who spoke up with a devious smirk. "We'll do this… Vongola-style."

Tsunayoshi, to his credit, suppressed a sigh and replied, "Let me guess: I send both of them, whoever gets Xanxus back, _'wins'_." Reborn's smirk was all the answer he needed. "Alright then." Tsunayoshi spoke up once more. "Gamma. Squalo. I hereby assign you the honorable and highly dangerous task of retrieving my dearest cousin, Princess Xanxus, from the evil clutches of Prince Rasiel of the Land of Marshmallows. Do you accept?"

"I humbly accept, sire." Gamma replied with a gentleman's smile as he knelt down on one knee and bowed.

"Pfft. This is my job in the first place; of course I accept." Squalo replied haughtily.

"Then off you go. Do not return without my cousin, Princess Xanxus!" Tsunayoshi ordered.

"_P-Prince_, Tenth…"

Ignoring the remark, the two bodyguards bowed respectfully and left the throne room, still bickering with each other. Tsunayoshi sat back in his throne and smirked. _This would be good entertainment. I mean, not that Xanxus being kidnapped is a good or entertaining thing, but still… And what in the world is that idiot marshmallow addict up to, anyway…? _Tsunayoshi glanced over to his right. "Right then. Where were we?"

* * *

"You should do yourself a favor and give up, you shamed bodyguard." Gamma bit out for the umpteen time that day.

The two bodyguards were making their way across the Land of Clams to enter the Land of Marshmallows. The Land of Marshmallows was ruled over by the Royal Family Gesso, whose head was King Byakuran, a man famous for loving marshmallows to the point of obsession. (Rumors spoke of that being the reason why the land he conquered and ruled was named the Land of Marshmallows, but no one dared to confirm it.) King Byakuran had several subordinates, one of them which happened to be Prince Rasiel.

They wondered why Princes― err, _Prince _Xanxus was being kidnapped ―or how he was kidnapped in the first place, actually; the prince was quite capable of defending himself and more― and for what purpose. It didn't seem to be random or anything typical; the letter that Prince Rasiel had sent merely stated that they (or rather, _he_) had Xanxus and if King Tsunayoshi wanted him back, he had to retrieve it from him in the Land of Marshmallows.

"Shut up. You're not even from our Family. Go back to your Princess." Squalo snapped back.

"King Tsunayoshi assigned me this task because _you _failed in your duties. Says a lot about your capabilities if the King had to ask an _outsider _to help." Gamma replied, rolling his eyes.

"Tch. This is just entertainment to the idiotic King." Squalo grumbled.

"Such disrespect. You really have no honor, do you?" Gamma said.

"Stop talking about honor to me. You're not by your Princess' side. Doesn't make you very honorable now, does it." Squalo scoffed.

"At least I didn't lose my charge." Gamma growled.

"_This is so very amusing." _

The two bodyguards were about to snap at each other when they realized that neither of them was the one who spoke. They turned and found a man standing in their way. He looked a little old, in his thirties or so, and basically looked like a pervert with his deep, reddish-purple hair and riding crop. Gamma glanced over at Squalo, who shrugged; the two bodyguards in agreement for once.

"I'm Gl― naaarrrggghhhhh!"

"Glnaarrrggghh? Never heard of him." Gamma said casually.

"Me neither. Probably just an _ero-jiji_." Squalo replied.

The man fell to the ground as the two bodyguards walked past him, talking among themselves once more. He coughed out blood and grasped the ground. "I… haven't… finished my intro… yet-arrrggghh!"

Squalo flicked the blood off his blade and growled, "_Voooiiiiiii! _Stop being so dramatic and die already. You don't _have _a line in the script, you pervert." Squalo pulled out a paper book out of nowhere, labeled, '_Script'_. "See? _'Ero-jiji appears and is immediately killed by Gamma and Squalo.'_ So die already. We're behind the script because of you." Squalo tucked away the script and kicked the fallen man again for good measure before catching up with Gamma, who waited patiently a few steps away.

* * *

"So. This is it." Gamma spoke.

"…This isn't the Royal Family Gesso's mansion, is it?" Squalo questioned.

"Of course not." Gamma rolled his eyes. "Prince Rasiel lives in a separate castle."

Squalo glanced at Gamma skeptically as they stood on the dirt path leading to a large castle. They had finally entered the Land of Marshmallows, but instead of heading to the house of the Royal Family Gesso, Gamma had led them (actually, more like dragged Squalo along kicking and screaming) to another castle, citing that _"your prince…ss is in another castle"_.

"And this is the other castle?" Squalo pressed on.

"_Usheshesheshe…~"_

The bodyguards were annoyed. They needed to fight and the constant interruptions _weren't helping_. And besides, who the hell laughs like _that_?

"Idiot peasants. Don't ignore the Prince~"

Gamma and Squalo turned to glance at the empty ground behind them.

"Up here, idiot peasants."

The duo glanced up to see a blond sitting on… a flying _throne_…? The man's hair was so long, it covered his eyes (they wondered if the man could see, actually) and a half-broken crown at within golden blond locks. The throne was floating in mid-air by red flames shooting out of the four legs of the chair.

"…Who's the flying idiot?" Squalo asked.

"Obviously, this is Prince Rasiel." Gamma shrugged, "Stop asking me everything."

"You're the one acting like a franning encyclopedia since the beginning." Squalo snapped.

"Doesn't mean I'm Wikipedia." Gamma replied. "And besides, didn't your teacher ever teach you that Wikipedia is unreliable?"

"It's thanks to Wikipedia and Google that we can graduate drama school, idiot!" Squalo snarled.

The man, now identified to be Prince Raisel, twitched. "Don't ignore the Prince, you lowly peasants!"

The two bodyguards armed themselves when bats covered in the same red flames appeared out of hyperspace. Squalo strapped on his sword to his left arms using bandages. Gamma, on the other hand, took out a box and opened it, and in a flash of crackling green flames, several ba― _pool _balls and a _long _cue. The ba― _pool _balls floated around in midair, while Gamma casually spun the cue in his hand. Another box gave Gamma boots that crackled with the same green flame, allowing him to float in midair as well.

"_Vooooiiiiiiiii_! Why do you get all the cool equipments?" Squalo demanded.

"Peasants―"

"Because I'm the main character." Gamma replied. "Why else?"

"I have your―"

"_Vooiiiii! _Stop making things up!" Squalo growled.

"_The Prince―"_

"Check the script, you shamed bodyguard." Gamma snapped back.

"―_**Stop ignoring me, you peasants!" **_The Prince growled. "_Pipistrelli Tempesta!_"

The bats screeched and flew after the two bodyguards. Squalo slashed the bats coming at him with a loud cry of, _"Scontro di Squalo!" _but before his attack could even hit, the bats were all taken out by the multiple pool balls that shot rapidly and randomly through the air.

Gamma smirked and spoke, "No matter where you hide, you can't avoid my balls."

Prince Rasiel hissed, "_Pipistrelli Tempesta!"_

Gamma narrowed his eyes as the more bats appeared from seemingly nowhere and began to screech once more. The bats started ramming into the pool balls, ramming them towards Gamma, who flew around with his flashy boots. "I'm not so stupid as to let my own balls hit me." He declared. Spin the cue in his hand in a very flashy manner, Gamma once again aimed at the nearest pool ball and smacked it. "Electric Cutter!" The pool balls rose above the ground, beyond the height of the bats and electrical currents suddenly snapped to the ground, toasting all the bats to charcoal.

Squalo took the chance to take care of Prince Rasiel with another one of his _"Scontro di Squalo" _and the Prince gasped dramatically, falling to the ground. Squalo smirked, "_Vooooiiii! _I took care of the idiot Prince and you… what?" Ignoring the Prince currently bleeding painfully to death, Squalo blinked at the emptiness of the air around him. "Voi… where did that Princess-bodyguard go?"

"To save the Princess, of course!" A voice called from above.

Squalo looked up to see Gamma floating in midair (using his flashy boots) with… _Prince…ss Xanxus in his arms._ _**With his arms bound and mouth ducktaped. **_

Gamma smirked, "Whoever brings back the Princess wins! This victory is minnneeeeeee!" Gamma declared as he flew towards the Land of Clams at full speed, a moaning and squirming Xanxus in his arms.

Squalo cursed in various colourful languages as he started running.

* * *

"Princess Xanxus!" Tsunayoshi squealed as he hugged his cousin tightly.

"Who the hell are you calling Princess?!" Xanxus growled, slapping the King over the head unceremoniously.

Tsunayoshi pouted as he rubbed his abused head. "How mean. I was worried about you, you know." Tsunayoshi glanced at somewhat-flushed Xanxus. "Hmm. Better to have someone checked on you later. You look a little red. Then again, quite understandable. Coming back in Gamma's arms… You looked like his bride."

Xanxus snarled and smacked Tsunayoshi again, but this time, the King dodged the blow easily with a wink. Ignoring his cousin's language, King Tsunayoshi took his seat once more and addressed the room, "Gamma has retrieved Princess Xanxus and therefore, won the challenge!" Tsunayoshi declared. The throne room burst into cheers and applause for the man still kneeling in front of the throne. "Raise your head, Gamma. For fulfilling the daunting task of retrieving my cousin, Princess Xanxus, I shall grant you a request ―any request. Speak."

"There is no need for rewards, sire. It is my honor to have been able to complete this quest." Gamma replied respectfully.

"No, I insist." King Tsunayoshi spoke. "If you don't want any, then I'll just have to gift you something…" Tsunayoshi pondered over the reward before a sly grin crept onto his face. "I've decided! Gamma, you shall be rewarded… with Princess Xanxus!"

"What the _Fran_?!"

"I object!" Xanxus snapped.

"You have no say in this." Tsunayoshi waved a hand at his cousin. "Well, Gamma? I _know _you're attracted to my cousin~" He teased, chuckling as Gamma's face exploded into redness. "How did I know? Well, could be a number of things. Like… how you hesitated in putting Xanxus down like you didn't want to let him go? Like how you keep staring at Xanxus every once in a while ―it's quite discreet, no worries. Like… how you seem to be a little uncomfortable in those clothes or yours… Or maybe it's just my inherited Vongola Hyper Intuition. Take your pick, but the conclusion still remains." Tsunayoshi smirked. "Well?"

"I… I'm very impressed, sire." Gamma murmured.

"Then it's settled!" Tsunayoshi clapped his hands together gleefully. "You're getting married today!"

"I _object_!" Xanxus spoke up again.

"Denied!" Tsunayoshi snapped. "Now, say, _'I do'_. **Now.**"

"I do―"

"―_**OBJECTION!**_"

Tsunayoshi rolled his eyes when a severely out-of-breath Squalo ran into the room, panting harshly as he clung to the door pathetically.

"Objection overruled!" Tsunayoshi roared. "You're in contempt of cour― err, this wedding! Guards! Get him out of my sight!" Tsunayoshi ordered.

"Noooo!" Squalo cried as he was forcefully dragged out of cou― the throne room. "Xanxusssss! I love youuuuuuu!"

Tsunayoshi resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Now, where were we… Ah. Xanxus said _'I do'_, so it's your turn Gamma. Just say it." Tsunayoshi continued, ignoring Xanxus' indignant, _"I didn't say that, you trash!" _from the side.

"I-I do." Gamma said.

"Great! You're now married!" Tsunayoshi clapped his hands again. "I would ask you to kiss here ―with tongue― but it's probably better that you don't. Don't want to scar over half of my kingdom. Anyways, I suppose you want to consummate your marriage now. Technically, Xanxus should marry over to the Land of Black Lily, but that's gonna take some time to arrange. So instead, you can do the deed in Xanxus' old room." Tsunayoshi waved a hand and a guard stepped up to them.

Gamma, in true groom style, lifted Xanxus in a bridal carry (much to the Prince…ss' protest) and the duo left the room.

Tsunayoshi giggled in his throne, while the room was still more or less silent with the shock of what just happened. Finally, the Guardians regained their composure, and the Storm Guardian (who also served as the King's Right-Hand man) spoke up, "Tenth. Now that _Prince _Xanxus' marriage is taken care of, you need to return to your paperwork."

At that, Tsunayoshi paled. "_Noooo! _I'm allergic to _paperworrrkkkk_!"

* * *

…And they lived happily ever after. Sort of.

* * *

A/N: So, yeah. This is for the Crack-tastic-Pairing-off challenge I took. The KHR Crack-Pairing generator I used gave me this. 'Gamma x Xanxus'; Damsel in Distress (danger and rescue; damsel character need not be female). So... yeah...

Pardon any errors, I'll proofread this in a few hours.

Thanks for reading, peeps~ Ciao Ciao~


End file.
